Entitlement is the worst thing that can happen to a person, a feeling that you are somehow entitled to anything in this life can destroy your life. From friendships to relationships, to work, fun and everything in between. I’m going to use this post as a way to both confront my past self, his attitude, and to apologise to people in my life past and present for the way I may have behaved.
It’s a bit clichéd to say travelling helps you find yourself these days, however what I will say is my year travelling presented me with a set of challenges and experiences that enabled me to reflect and go deeper into what drives me and the behaviours that creates.
One thing I’ve always been proud of is that I’m so hot on personal development and growth, and have been for almost a decade, and yet it always felt like I was missing the last puzzle piece that could set me free and help me finally create the life I wanted.
Truth be told I was an entitled, arrogant, selfish idiot who placed myself above all of those around me. I wouldn’t give people the time or the attention they deserved. I now feel for the first time in my life that I’ve have taken responsibility for that, and am presented with an opportunity for permanent change for the better.
Here’s the kicker, I had a habit of blaming, and not taking responsibility for my life, yet I was ignorant of this, thought I was better, thought I had everything figured out.
I was wrong!!
When I now sit and analyse all my relationships, plutonic included, I can see glaringly where my failings were. I would put responsibility for my happiness on others, I was demanding, and unwavering in my beliefs about how a friendship should be. I would expect so much from people and give nothing in return. I was selfish.
The worst part is I would justify my lack of action on my depression and anxiety, I would explain away not being a good person on something that a huge percentage of people have real world issues with. This was wrong and short sighted!
I’ll admit it I’ve had to face some serious demons this year, several articles on narcissism have brought to light that I was a narcissist in the worst possible ways, and I’ve hurt and messed with people’s emotions because of it. Though I was not conscious of it, I manipulated people around me, this fills me with dread. I am committed to challenging any behaviours like this should they ever try to emerge again.
I can say now that I’m confident this change is here to stay. I’m more appreciative and grateful of the people I have in my life than ever before, and I’m happy to give my time, attention and anything else that my people need of me.
This has had a dramatic shift in the way I now approach communication with anyone in any form, it’s changed my view on work and I’m now more productive than ever, I feel deeper connections with people than I’ve ever felt before, and it’s a wonderful feeling. This has been a huge shift for me and I can honestly hand on heart say that I’m the happiest I’ve been for years, all because I feel like I’ve finally woken up to the world around me.
There will likely be people who will say “don’t be so hard on yourself” my response is “why”, do you grow by ignoring your negative traits, or do you grow by facing them head on?
So, this is an apology to anyone I’ve treated poorly over the years, this extends to friends, family, past relationships and anything in between.
This blog is my commitment to being the best possible version of me I can, and I’m excited to see where this journey takes me.